Chan,
Gaspy -
I can agree with you about Gaspy SeeUlater. Dances like a Chimp and the Chris Brown song was so hokey and sexless it was Disneyesque. I think that's Gaspy's problem - he may be 17 but he don't know what SEX is - he doesn't know what it feels like to be emotional, to have a need to get off. Could be his Mormon upbringing - who knows. And he should definitely try to dress like a STAR. Instead he wears those lame t-shirts and pants or those weird dress shirts that went out of style in Daddy's time (perhaps Daddy shops for him?)
Syesha -
As for Syesha - - now that girl looks like a Star - you have to admit that Mr. Chan. She's been dressing to look like one and to accentuate he figure - and you have to admit she's got one heck of a body. Remember legs from last year - the one who wore the shorts to get votes - the one with legs up to her hips? That you have to admit was forced. But Syesha - she's got IT.
The Keyes song was okay - but like you said - they only have 90 seconds to get an intro, middle and ending into their performance - that's difficult to get into an arrangement. And I think Syesha did well. Her "FEVER" was hot - she did use her body - and she went after the older folks vote - heck, she's proving herself to be a stage performer and you have to admit she did have fun with it. And again she looked like a STAR. And I bet many a teen boy who never ever heard that song before was drooling over Miss Syesha. And yes, its been covered plenty of times, but so did the songs that the last few ladies did in the top three - Somewhere over the Rainbow - I who had nothing - those songs were covered over and over weren't they?
Syesha's last song - the one from Happy Feet - that was picked by Nigel - I think because he don't want her making the final. As Simon said - it was forgettable.
David Cook -
He did great as always - he's innovative - takes chances and should be in the finals - and should be the first Rocker Idol. If he isn't and Gaspy wins, we'll all know that AI really is fixed.
For the finale - I was really hoping for a David Cook/Syesha Mercado challange. But I fear it will be the two Davids. And it won't be a challenge musically. Gaspy will get votes because he's cute, not because he's innovative or takes chances - he can only sing ballads -
and if Gaspy does win - he's going to only be a recording artist, not a performer. Why not a performer?
He can't work the audience. He can't perform to the audience. He can't put emotion into his songs. He can't put SEX into his songs. And SEX sells. Shit - he's Seventeen years old - he should be horny as a Satyr - and his songs should reflect that Sexual Heat - but do they? Nope. His songs about longing are more like church hymns - totally absent of any indication of sex.
And Gaspy dances like a Chimp. heheh.. he's so funny to watch.
So next week - I'm going to vote for David COOK -not Gaspy. I know Gaspy if the VFTW right now - but hey, we're at the finals - and I still think its fixed and Gaspy was meant/groomed to win this thing by papa. So I don't want him to win.
I want a Rocker to win. A Rocker like Daughtry - who should have won in Season 5, but instead we got a Southern Hick.
Neo Ken
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"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance" George B. Shaw
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Finally the gloriously bad Idol episode that we’ve all been waiting for. All sorts of musical attrocities were committed, including a song sung by penguins and a love song about a giant meteor. Yes!!! I loved it.
Everyone got in the spirit tonight. Simon was on-point all night, including picking the ONLY decent song of the evening for David Cook. Paula was actually sober and coherent, making strong points about the singing and performances, as if her job depended on her, you know, judging the damn show. Seacrest making his unfunny non-jokes and Randy spending the whole evening trying to stroke his own ego. That was some episode. Oh, and Lloyd from “Entourage” was in attendance. Good stuff.
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Tonight was the annual Judge Song choice, Idol song and Producer Nigel’s song choice game.
Remember when the whole home city would come out to celebrate the Final 3 Idols of seasons past? Not so much this time. Cook gets his song choice text while on a TV news show, and only Mayor McMoustache of Archuleta’s hometown of Backwater, Texas decided to make a big deal about his Judge’s song choice while no doubt crowning David the Acting Governor of Texas for the day.
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David Archuleta -
Paula’s Song - “And So It Goes” by Billy Joel
Paula chose this song because David “can handle the melodies.” Well Archuleta takes a vanilla ballad from the Joel-meister and blandifies the hell out of it. He's sucking the joy and energy out of the thing. He squints, he wheezes, he puts me to sleep. David also throws in his now trade-marked lyrical flub and made the whole thing feel ponderously slow. A Looooong 90 seconds of my life that I won’t get back.
GRADE: D
David’s Choice- “Without You” by Chris Brown
Now David embraces the VFTW Crown and runs with it. He chooses a modern-day teeny-pop disposable ditty from Chris “I got to sing with Jordan Sparks before she lost her voice forever” Brown. David shows off his muppet dancing and stage awkwardness while trying to be “cool” singing about “my boo.” There’s nothing as tragically un-hip about a total dweeb like Archuleta trying to be cool. This was Kevin Covais-like Awesome.
GRADE: FAIL -- VFTW AWARD WINNER!!!
Producer’s Dismally Bad Song Choice: “Longer” by Dan Fogelberg
This song takes painfully boring to a new level. David assumes a beatific “I’m singing about The Lord because my Daddy doesn’t let me talk to girls” tone and it’s all downhill from there. David is wearing his Sunday best buttoned-up Mormon on the Make shirt and sings up a storm. David achieves a courageous level of boring tonight. Simon has the guts to rightfully call it “a gooey” song, and lambasts it, while praising David’s competent but unexceptional vocals. I’m not as accepting as Simon.
GRADE: FAIL -- The terrible, cheesy songs didn’t help his Idol mission. Even David’s attempt at modern-day relevance was naive, awkward and laughable.
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Syesha Mercado
Randy’s Song: “If I Ain't Got You” by Alicia Keys
Randy the Bobo sets Syesha up for failure by assigning her this big, belting song with only 90 seconds to get to any kind of emotional pay-off. Syesha falls back on her go-to Whitney runs and smiley vote-mongering. It’s a step back for Syesha, and a boring performance, to boot. The Back-up singers really carried her on this one.
Syesha defends her mediocre performance with: “I’m just being myself, you know?” And yourself is obnoxious, which is the problem.
GRADE: C
Syesha’s Song: “Fever” by Peggy Lee
Syesha goes all Broadway as she seems to be auditioning for the touring cast of “Cabaret.” It takes some of the sexiness out of the whole thing when Syesha is forced to explain the use of the chair, before she sits on and around it for the song. This was a mediocre rendering of a sung sung into redundancy by everyone with a pair of boobs and a voice. Also, I’ve never bought Syesha’s brand of forced sexiness. There’s too much actor-ing in the performance and not enough va-va-vavoom.
Randy says it’s a “burning” Fever. But it’s more like a phlegmy cold.
GRADE: D -- Old-fashioned and unsexy. Nobody wants to see Granny getting down.
Producer’s Dismally Bad Song Choice: Something called “Hit Me Up” apparently from the singing/dancing penguin movie, “Happy Feet.”
Syesha is left out to dry with this dippy-doo Disney-fied joke of a song. Syesha can’t really dance to it, and there’s not a whole lot to sing either. It’s like the Producers are trying to send her home. Syesha is off-key and it’s mostly terrible.
GRADE: FAIL -- Syesha almost gives Archuleta a run for VFTW-worthiness tonight. Almost.
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David Cook
Simon’s Song: “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” by Roberta Flack.
I certainly wasn’t looking forward to this weepy, drivel song when I heard it was foisted upon Cook, but damn, did he extract every ounce of goodness from it. But if a guy can make Lionel Richie’s “Hello” entertaining I guess he can do anything. And yes, I know that was a rip-off. This probably was too, but it doesn’t matter. Cook gives one of those goose-bump causing perormances that is his Idol coronation song..
GRADE: A -- This was excellent, Cook’s raspiness and soaring vocals came together with emotional resonance. Nice time to hit a homerun, dude.
David’s Choice: “Dare To Move You” by a band called Switchfoot, apparently.
Just another drippy Daughtry-Fuel-Nichelback MOR “grunge” ballad that made me wince. This is probably what Cook’s Idol-winning album will sound like. I know this because this is what Daughtry’s Idol album sounds like. But with extra elevator-quality keyboards.
GRADE: C -- Cook sings it fine, but it sounded like Christian Rock to me. Blame Creed for ruining Christion Rock for everyone.
Producer’s Dismally Terrible Song Choice: “That Damned Asteroid Song” by Aerosmith.
Tonight was like a “This Is Your Musical Life” episode for David Cook. First was his pre-Idol edgy, artistic exploration phase of his career. Then his post-Idol suck factory song. And then this was his Closing Credits track to Transformers 4: BumbleBee’s Radical Adventure. It’ll probably be called “Transform My Heart.” And Diane Warren, the epitome of schmaltzy, adult contemporary dreck song-crafting, will have scribbled it down on a napkin before collecting her 185th Grammy.
GRADE: C -- And this was STILL better than anyone else tonight.
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If anybody but David Cook wins this show American Idol should be canceled the next day, because he is so much better than the other two pretenders. Much better. Plus, I want to hear him sing the shitty Idol-Winner Song. That will make me laugh.
--Chan
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