The Osmonds had a Christmas concert last night, and little David Archuleta was there to sing with future American Idol 8 Hollywood superplant David Osmond. Maybe Gaspy will give the Osmond tips on how to wheeze and bashfully laugh every time the judges fawn over you. Either way, if the Osmond makes the top 24 this year, the show is officially done for.

This week David Cook's album debuts at #3 on the Billboard Hot 200, which is actually pretty decent being that he came out on the same day as Beyonce and crap on a stick Nickelback. Cook sold 280,000 albums in the first week. It's not an amazing number, but it's more than Jorbacca sold in her first week. It's also better than David Archuleta's doing. Gaspy's album tumbles down the charts to #11, losing about 64% of last week's sales. Gaspy's fans can't even keep him in the top 10 for 2 weeks. How sad. Watch the album tumble much lower next week. We don't expect Cook's to stay high either unless "Light On" actually takes off (it isn't looking good unless the payola kicks in this week).

Poor Gaspy. His fantards tried their best, but again he falls short of ever hitting #1. Gaspy's self-titled album will debut on the charts at #2 this week, according to Hits Daily Double, incredibly far behind Taylor Swift. The album's sales are OK, but nothing spectacular at 180,460. That might be enough for Jeff to give him half a glass of water in celebration. Post your thoughts in the comments section. Was this a decent debut or is Gaspy the next Blake Lewis?

This is actually a pretty terrible performance, can he even hear the key the instruments are in?

If you aren't yet disturbed by David Archuleta's lack of hormones and ridiculous wheezing and gasping whenever he refers to not being old enough to find anyone physically attractive, this should do it for you. One of Gaspy's fans gave him a gift inside a bag that had a woman with a short skirt on it. Gaspy looked perplexed and then changed the picture, saying, "I'm just going to draw some shorts on her... I'm weird, I know." Seriously, Jeff. What did you do to this kid? Seems pretty messed up in the head. Doesn't he have any idea what a normal 17 year old does?

Gaspy gasped his way through "God Bless America" last night at the Devil Rays-Red Sox game. Why is he singing this and not the National Anthem? And we think that he's letting out his inner melisma diva a little too much at the end there. You go, girl. Snap!

David Archuleta (pictured left, actual height next to 3-inch tall mouse) has been passed over by 19 Management, the management team that signs most of the Idol winners and successes, and instead signed a management deal with Azoff Management. Looks like the powers that be at Idol don't see any potential in him either. After his first single "Crush" keeps fluctuating at radio and barely ends up with any airplay, we think 19 Management decided to get out of the way and let the career fail without them. That and Gaspy's dad is probably a royal pain in the ass.

There are no words. Who the hell designed this travesty? Looks like it was some place called Cornbelly's. We wonder if you have to gasp and wheeze as you run through the maze. And the idiot Gaspytards want to "get lost in his eyes." Please. Get lost. Tell no one you are leaving and stay there. Forever.